this just has baby written all over it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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