As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
