hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
