Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
