who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
