i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
