I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
