I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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