Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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