So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
