she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
