I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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