Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
