Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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