$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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