Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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