i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
