my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
