it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A bitchslap is in order.
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