I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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