Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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