After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
