Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
