I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
