I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
