The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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