so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
time to smoke my breakfast
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
