Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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