Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
