I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
