I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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