Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
