What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
