It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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