I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
