Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
