So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
