I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
