Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
