Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
