I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
