Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
