Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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