Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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