turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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