It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
