He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
