butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
