I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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