I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
