In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
