I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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