I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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