Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
