ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
