she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
